MATTHEW JOHNS

My first thought was, Looks like the Johns boys are at it again”, referring to Andrew Johns’ discretion of being caught by the London Bobbies in possession of the much maligned “e” tablet. At that time I sided with Johns, citing that he was considered the best 5/8th in world rugby league and as such he could just tell them to get fucked! (The result if he did so couldn’t’ve been much worse an outcome after they laid him bare at the altar of public condemnation. Poor bastard. Completely subjugated by relentless, withering castigation.
What got my head in a bucket was the stomach-churning sanctimony – compete with finger-wagging. Oh how I’d like to grab that finger and snap the fucker!!)
Anyway, I digress. “Joey” (Andrew Johns’ nickname from his adoring public) got over it, as people do – the Rags quickly lose interest and move on after they’ve milked the story for all it’s worth. The sanctimonious even themselves I’d suggest, got tired of their own bleating on and slithered, noses in the air, back to whichever rock they live under ready to spring out again should anyone smoke a joint or say fuck in public.

Not to be outdone by his pill-carrying brother, Matthew Johns, the younger sibling, decided to stick it to some starstruck chick in a hotel room. To be precise, “Matty” Johns (His nickname, also from an adoring public)…and friend decided to stick it to her. Though the “friend” hasn’t presented himself (who could blame him, really – why would you???) and Matty’s lips are sealed (and coming from a man where “grassing/squealing” was paid for in kneecaps, that’s as Ali G would say, “Respect”, with the hand flourish those rapper types use).
So, to recap, we have a 19 year old woman (whilst still in the teens, a 19 year old is considered an adult woman) who freely and uncoerced went with two rugby league players (remember, these boys have been hit too hard once too often and can quite often be observed thinking with the wrong head…) to a hotel room. Why would she do that? To “talk”? To maybe play one against another? Or to have theem both? Either way it’s fairly clear to all but the most fanatically feminist or blinkered head-in-the-sand that this girl/woman was intent on having sex in the room.
Which indeed proved to be the case. The other Johns brother nailed her. And when considering the Godlike status in which he was held, she would have been a keen recipient. All day every day these women throw themselves with wanton abandon at these league stars. In toilet cubicles (Sonny Bill Williams and Candize Fallon), alleys, wherever they can actually, and both Johns’s were the cream of the crop – apparently (least they weren’t pretty boys, I’ll give them that).
It’s unclear who the friend was as I’ve mentioned; also unclear is whether or not he jumped on for a go after Mattty – or at the same time).
Now here it gets a bit odd, as the room started filling up with more players – some even going to the extent of entering through a bathroom window like the zombies of the old films.
Where they proceeded as is reported, to engage in various sex acts with the woman, including but not restricted to I believe, whipping out their weiners and “shoving” or waving them in the girls face (while you’re down there, love…).
This all occurred 7 years ago. The woman recently approached the authorities with the information approximately 5 days ago, creating, unsurprisingly, a shitstorm not unlike the one Matty’s brother faced about 5 years ago. This one driven by the tide of female respect advocates (Note: this author is an advocate of womens’ rights himself – as long as they understand this author by virtue of being a male, is superior). The rape crisis centre was even quoted despite the NZ Police fully investigating and finding no legal case to answer.
Case closed.
Until now. Johns appeared on TV like a good little soldier and gave a heartfelt apology to the schtuked woman. His wife, sat stoically supporting her husband in a show of solidarity, though it’ll be years before Matty gets any honey from this one I’d suggest.

The schtukee had everyone fooled with her tearful recollection of the night. Her face blurred, with only her chin and lower lip clear, she has refused to identify herself, despite Johns being international news.
Back and forward the sides of the argument swung. League players not having the best reputation, were vilified; the suits came out in force, condemning and assuring. Womens’ advocates threw their own shots, laced with the ever-present emotion and demanding women be treated with respect, damn it!
On and on it went. Reaching a stalemate of sorts. The NZ Police declined to reopen the case citing, again, no charges to press. And then out of nowhere came a witness for the defence.
A friend or workmate of the woman, on a Channel Ten report tonight, claims she heard the woman “five days or so after” boasting that she had 5 or 6 men at once. She could be lying but this is consistent with the earlier quote from Johns, that the woman, after Johns had dismounted as it were, said, “someone get over here and have sex with me”. Which is, quite obviously a damning statement, demand even.
Somebody in fact did, “get over there”. Johns is staying tight-lipped. And a further report has just emerged of the woman's employer witnessing her boasting for several days about the great night she had with two league players.
Cat amongst the pigeons time. This in complete contradiction to her earlier televised performance.
Virtually case dismissed, such as it was. But mud sticks and the already well-known anomie of Rugby League, not long recovered from the last transgression mere weeks ago, will suffer another blow.
The fact is, this should have never left the Johns’ home. It is about personal fidelity towards one’s wife. This distasteful episode has all the hallmarks of a chase for easy money. The woman claims she only recognised Johns. Are we to believe she had no recollection of the second man? The one who was in the party of 3, who originally went to the room? Wasn’t he one of the “5 or 6”? The second, surely?

Lucky you didn’t knock her up, eh Matty? Sue ‘em, Matty, sue the fuck out of them and beg your wife’s forgiveness…and keep your dick in your pocket, y’fuckin’ caveman.
The media leapt at this, immediately, as they do, to the defence of the poor put-upon woman. (Make up your minds for fuck’s sake – thought you were equal??). Forcing Johns to bear humiliation on international TV. The wife; the kids. The intrusion in their lives.
With, it transpires, only half the story…
And they have their own money – no government (read taxpayer of course) baleout. AND…Rupert Murdoch, the newspaper and media giant, who has to quote Denny Crane, “more money than God”, has created new charges for his online viewing or something similar.

Yeah Matty, take ‘em to the cleaners!!!