I've been running with the boys when I 'walk' them of late. Trying to fitten myself up, y'know? Have to keep Muttars looking good - not getting any younger hoho!
Anyway...so I've just left the house and the boys have been in for a significant length of time and are understandably itching to get at it. I begin to run immediately. Scoob's on his lead (cause he's, the most disobedient mutt on earth) and Mutley's off his (cause conversely he's the MOST obedient - had something to do with a whallop that made his eyes spin when he was a pup - something for which I've mixed feelings).
We get to about 10 seconds in and Mutley starts thinking it's a game and runs beside me jumping up and generally getting under my feet (know what's coming?)
Yep, you've guessed it - he gets too close and my full weight comes down on his paw. I weigh 180 lbs and with momentum and gravity it must've been over 200 that crushed the small foot (surprised it didn't break anything actually but he's a tough wee doggie).
Well, it mightn't have physically broken anything, but it did break his temper and he immediately turned on his brother and began to tear lumps out of him. Scoob being Scoob and always up for a dig (attaboy Scoob!) defended himself and soon I was witnessing a full on dogfight - all snarling and teeth, blood and hair!
I try to pull Scoob away but he's on it now and besides, Mutley's not letting go and coming with us as I attempt to separate them.
So now I'm faced with three choices:
1. Go in hands first and pull them apart - you're joking aren't ye, that's how one loses one's fingers! Ask my Da. He thought he was Dr bloody Doolittle and did that exact thing - how many fingers did ye near lose, Da? Ho ho. I had advised strongly againt it seconds earlier.
2. Go in with feet, kicking and beating - and rely on force and pain to subdue them. They're my boys, don't want to do that.
3. Start screaming and bellowing like a banshee and hope my booming voice will distract them enough to halt the viciousness. This has been known to work but not always.
As was the case this time.
I start the aforementioned bellowing and screaming (which by the way, attracts much more attention from those in the vicinity as the curtains twitch and people come outside to see who's being killed).
To no effect - the boys are now in full attack mode (you wouldn't think it was possible from two such well-natured collies - well think again people, as I've said often, ALL dogs are capable of such being as they are, driven by nature).
And I'm screamin like an escapee from the insane asylum. Quite a picture - glad the TV cameras weren't there!
But it's no use - no matter how intensely I scream at them and attempt to separate by pulling Scoob away, they are locked in the throes of battle.
So I've only one option left to me and I let go of the lead and wade in with my feet, placing well-aimed kicks with the top of the foot into the ribs of the snarling beasts. Howls are forthcoming as I connect, (still yelling obscenities, but a little quieter) and eventually I manage to drive them apart. We three of us stand panting, the boys with holes in them, their white chest stained red with blood and tears in their snouts.
I turn to see neighbour out at his caravan staring open mouthed, apparently stunned into amazement at what he'd just witnessed (hey mate, y'wanna try bein in the middle o it!). Not sure what freaked him out more - the dogfight or the Irish banshee hoho.
Fu-uck me! Is the only way to accurately describe the exprience. Bloomin mutts spent the night on the verandah. Man, was I so pissed off!
And here's something you may find interesting - they had been castrated for years. Made not one iota of difference.
Course, having my testicles removed'd probably make me mad too hoho!
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7 comments:
Mutters screaming like a banshee!!!! lmao.
Loved this wee tale mate. One minute I was chuckling, the next, I was horrified.
I've had to step in many times to rescue my neighbours dog from Coco. Well, I presume it's a dog, it's one of those small, yappy things with a tail.
She really hates it (especially when it wears it's wee coat) and jumps it every chance she gets.
Any you know what M....she's never had balls!!!!!!!
This offered a stunning visual.
Thank you ever so much.
Ha-hee!
-J
An associate experienced the same thing some years ago (it doesn't happen THAT often - they're really lovely animals).
It's quite a funny story too, actually - he wondered how he was goin to explain to me how he'd killed one of my dogs - hoho.
We should know this - I bloody well do, Missy - why does no-one else? (present company excluded:)
Anyway...they're ma boys mate - what can I do, y'know? :)
It was a stresser right enough, KB; however I think havin a spectator made it worse!
Yeah - a carpet rat I call them. The wee yippy dogs that make all the noise (much like wee people in fact).
I'll hold all remarks about women!
:))
It was chaotic for a few intense minutes, Morgy. This vicious melee of snarls and primal aggression was shocking. They would grab with teeth and rapidly shake side to side as they literally tore strips from one another.
Not somethin I fancy at all!
Typically I know the signs and have all but eradicated the practice but there's a thing in life called chance and no-one can account for it all.
Hey M, Next time this happens and i hope there is not a next time, try pretending you are hurt, cry and roll on the ground like a banshee and they should stop, as they will be confused and worried about their da. Mind you the crying must be very high pitched. Deirdre.
Ha ha, D, I might just try that (nothin bloody else has worked save the 'wadin in limbs 'a' swingin').
So basically squeal like a girl?
Hmm...big ask though. :)
Yep a high pitched barbie doll wail should do the trick. Deirdre.
Okay, D, I'll try that next time and give a full report. I'll scweam and scweam and scweam! Maybe stamp my feet too!
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